3 Weeks post surgery

 Never get in a hurry to get back to normal. Other people have different Ideas. So I met with Dr. Jensen 7 days post surgery. Yep still had the drains. They were still draining about 60-70 ccs/24 hr period. In order to get them taken out it must be 25cc/24 hr period for 3 days in a row. OK fine!

Went to see Dr. Tit on day 14. The right drain is still at about 30-35cc/24 hr. How ever they took out the left one. I think that Heidi was a little shocked and almost regretted doing it because tons of fluid leaked out of it. Nope they did not take the right one out. I guess at least i only had one to deal with. Spent the week trying to not over do it. I did go back into work and taught classes as well as did paperwork. Getting out of the house was a must but I also loved coming home to a bed. I am exhausted. And it is funny because I do not have to do much to get to that point. I also have a very very short fuse and my nerves are shot. I find myself being snappy at people and it is frustrating.

Went back to see Dr Jensen on day 21. 3 weeks Finally took out the drain on the right side. It didn't leak like the left one did but it hurt like no other. They also didn't like the look of the left breast. It was a little red. Dr. Jensen decided to do a biopsy and extract some fluid for a sample to make sure it is not infected. I have been on antibiotics for a week already but ... He drained 100cc off the left breast. DANG! I dropped it off at Time to have cultures ran on it. NO BACTERIA! yea! finally I passed a test. My breast felt better for the rest of the ride home but I could tell it was feeling up again by bed time. 

They told me not to use ice packs on my breast to reduce swelling due to the fact that there is little feeling in them from the surgery. Since when do i listen. I used icepacks and they felt too much better. They were not directly on the breast. I had a towel covering the fake boobs. Both my left and my right boob feel like there is fluid collecting in them. Ice packs help reduce this. So every couple hours I cool those girls off. It helps. I think the redness in the left boob has gotten better and the right one is not quite as tender as it has been. I pray that things go well on Tuesday. 

I meet with the Oncologist and have a bone scan scheduled for Tuesday. Once I am done there I will head to Dr. Jensens to have him check my boobs to make sure I have not killed them. In the mean time I am going to try to kick back and take it easy. I think I over did it a bit this week. Did a full 40 hours of work.

On a positive note the snow has melted from the grass and I see little flecks of green poking their way through the lawn. I had it thatched today as well so it looks like the deer had a poop festival on my grass. 

I really need some prayers answered this week. I need answers as to when Chemo will begin. I need my boobs to stop acting up an get to healing so I can poison myself with Chemo. I have a time line. I want it all done by december 31. Sara keeps telling me NO EXPECTATIONS. If you have no expectations you have no disappointments. Ya right! without expectations and planning nothing gets done.Maybe what I need to remember is I can only be in charge of so much. The rest is out of my hands.

Post Surgery 5 Days

 Going to try to catch up on a few things here. 5 Days post surgery. I should have done it on day one but just could not. Between hurting Boobs and exhaustion Just could not do it. So I will try to fill int he gaps now and if something jars my brain in the future I can edit. That is the nice thing about computers.

So Feb 19th. I had some things at work that I needed to get done before I was out for God only knows how long. Was not really kidding myself. Wasn't sure if I truly could be back for a few hours on Sunday to play catch up or not. So I went in to work. Ended up working 8 full hours doing paperwork and went on a call with the crew. Cardiac arrest. "Ya I won't really miss that part of the job. Or at least I dont think so." Then Trent came and picked me up to take me to the big city. Martin was suppose to go with me. Hense the whole reason for the hotel. But decided that it was just too much to drag all his oxygen stuff and cpapp stuff with us so he opted to stay home and have Trent take him in later on Monday. Sara and Luna was going to meet us and take me to the hospital in the morning. Had to be there early 5:30 am. And since I am really the only idiot that does that hour of the day. However being first has its advantages. you get the Drs when they are fresh.

Had a nice dinner with Trent. Great conversation and Sara and Luna came to the hotel and ate their burgers and we chatted as well. Then I took my crazy shower and scrubbed with the special soap. Had to do that both the night before and the morning off surgery. Then headed to bed. I actually slept pretty good considering. My average nights sleep is 3-4 hours. I think I got about that much. You know that your brain works overtime. Well at least mine does.

At 3:00 am I awoke, Had some delishous Pre-Surgery ensure to drink. New thing they are doing says it speeds up recovery... Tasted like straight sugar. Then surfed the web, and showered again. Wanting every min to have a cup of coffee. I DID NOT! My brain said if I have the coffee they won't do the surgery. Ya Once again... I DID Not PARTAKE. Sara arrived. SHE HAD COFFEE! good for her. 5:44 am exact we walked through the admitting doors for surgery. My legs wanted to stop and say NO NO NO. But they didn't. I painted on the face that I have worn for so many days and told myself to be brave. Of course that dark humor was there to help get me through things. 

Computers were a little slow kicking on but admitting managed to get it moving and off we went to the little room where they prepared me for the big adventure of the day. 

In all areas of health care these days there is someone training. This was no different. 2 nurses. And I do not remember their names. One student that was finishing her capstone (last final pass off to become a nurse) and her mentor. I had big plans on making sure I had everyones name written down so I could thank them. YA RIGHT! epic failure! One day in my life I will be organized. 

They gave me a hand full of pills to help with pain, inflammation, nausea, and just about everything else. They did a 12 lead EKG, They took some blood to make sure I was not going to bleed to death. Then they started an IV. They started it in the left hand. In the smallest vein, Over a joint. It was painful. Not only watching them place it and their choice of where but the IV its self. I knew that it only had to be in for a short time but I also knew that where they placed it it would most likely infiltrate before the day was done.  It is hard being in the medical profession and having small bursts of info that could help and then staying quiet so the student can learn. 

IV was placed and then off to new adventures. Dr. Tittnsor and Dr. Jensen arrived. More touching and feeling of the Boobs. Dr. Jensen asked how big I wanted to go. Shit I dont know the answer to that one. I have never really felt that I had boobs. Not too big but then if Im going through this I suppose there should be some benefit to it. FULL C? Then it was save the nipples? loose the nipples? Finally I said the them. Look guys... I trust you to do the right thing. DO what you think is the best thing for me. What you would do for yourself or your wife. 

Anesthesia rolled me out of the room and I dont remember a thing past that. I woke up in recovery almost 4 hours later and they say everything went well. I remember nothing. Which is a good thing. My boobs had achey feeling to them but I wouldn't say they really hurt. Not until I moved. Then.... DAM! Got up to my room. Trent, Monique and Martin was there. However for the longest time I didn't know Martin was there. They had him shoved into the corner. Didn't see him or hear him. They just said he was there. Was not until he got up to go pee that I even knew here was a chair in the corner. But then to be honest when you are on anesthesia you dont know or remember much. 

Trent, Monique and Martin stayed until about 2:00 I think. I was in and out of sleep. And I really do not remember much of it all. Sara and Luna was there as well. Then they headed to the hotel about 5. They brought me dinner and I ate. I was starving. Pretty good food. Salmon, Rice and asparagus. OH GREAT Stinky pee! The day nurse was not monitoring how much output but when the night nurse came she insisted that I pee into the hat. A hat is just what it sounds like. They place it onto the toilet so they can measure how much output you have. I can NEVER hit the hat. What girl who sits to pee can not hit a hat? Poor girl got to smell asparagus. 

Day nurse in charge of me was Shelby. She had a student with her. I think he was Reese? Not positive on that one. Shelby was a pro and he seemed to be a very very new student. good but shy. No one should be shy around this old lady. My night nurse did not have a student. She was very efficient. He name was Sounglee. Oriental I think and sweet as could be. But very very very by the book. 

My IV blew after the 2nd dose of Tylenol and Protonics so they had to restart it. This time Shelby did it and it was farther up on the arm and less painful. They were giving me I -Tylenol, IV-Antibiotics,  Protonics and stool softeners. As well as IV fluids @ 300/hr. I was drinking as much as possible because I wanted that anesthesia out of my system. Which meant I needed to get up to pee a lot. They got tired of me asking for permission so soon I gained their trust and was up and going by myself. They just monitored how much by the hat that was in the toilet that I could not hit. About 3 am I became my restless self and needed to be out of that dam room. I requested that I get to do a walk about. After promising not to run away they let me drag an IV pole around and adventure to the hall way. 

I managed to make 5 laps. Then I had to pee again and decided that was enough for a min. On my journey I walked past several rooms most of the doors were closed. However there was one that was open. I noticed in the room that there was a lady sitting in bed looking miserable and lonely. I knew that they had done 2 double mastectomies. Mine and one other. I wondered if this was the other one. She looked familiar but I decided that it was just my dam brain on drugs.  The walk made me feel better. My brain had stopped spinning and while my boobs ached they felt better too. So I drained my bladder for the 15th time and got back into bed. I slept pretty well until changing of the guard at 6:00 am.

New set of nurses. Jenni and Kyle. Kyle is a rent a nurse and just graduated but was orienting. Trying to decide what he really wants to be when he grows up. lol. Jenni was young and fairly new. I think the oldest nurse there was Shelby with 4 yrs experience. Im telling you health care is changing. They are all very very young. So when they came in to do CHANGING OF THE GUARD Jenni ask me if I knew a lady by the name of Jan Thorton. Yes of course I did. She said Jan had seen me wandering the halls last night. And If I wanted to visit with her she was next door. OH MY HELL. Jan Thorton is my Therapist. The lady who helped me get my shit together after my mom died. Who helped me get my shit together after Paul died. MY mental support system! My stabilizer!. Of course I want to stop next door to see her. 

Jan looked amazing. She said she seen me wandering the halls last night and wanted to bad to say something but knew that with the HIPAA laws etc that was not possible. I got myself put together and walked next door to visit. Its funny because about a week earlier when I was having a moment I was going to shoot her a text and say, "Hey girl, Im going through some shit right now and I may need you in the future" I didn't. Now I know that I should have. Just a text. Always listen to your gut instinct. Anyway Jan had a double Masectomy as well. She does not have cancer. She did it profolcaticly because her mom had breast cancer and she carries the BRECA gene. I am impressed she did it profolacticly and made choices that are very very hard when you have cancer let alone when you do not. And now I know that if I need her she will be there. She will understand my issues. (She always has) and she will be able to help. 

Heidi, Dr. Tittnsers NP stopped by. Apparently I am a pretty head strong lady. She stopped by to check on me and make sure I was doing good. checked my drains, checked my boobs, Checked to make sure my nipples where not black. (apparently that is a thing) All was normal or good. She reminded me of follow up with Dr. Jensen and Dr. Tittnser next week. Told her I would be there to get those drains taken out. She assured me that wouldn't happen. I assured her it would if I had anything to do with it. Ya... Dont argue with a Dr. they really are in charge. However I am a pretty stubborn lady too. I am on a timeline. Dont mess with it. PLEASE!

There was a storm moving in and they wanted to get us out before the storm hit so the goal was for noon. Sara had some countertops that she needed to see so she zipped to sandy did her thing and by the time she got done I was ready to go. They managed to give me all my discharge info and got the iv out. Due to the port I was ordered not to shower until Thursday (day 4) and they packed us up in Sara's truck and off we went. HOME WARD BOUND!

It is always nice to be home. Honestly I do not really remember the ride home. Maybe because we had no issues. Which is a good thing. Got home. Unpacked my crap. Took a nap. My babies Mazey and Maddy were happy to see me. Martin had the shock collars on them so they would behave and all was right in the world.  

Sara, Martin, and Luna are making sure I do not do more than I should. I was sent home with Tylenol, Stool softeners, Oxycodone just in case and phone numbers for support if I need them. I have had phone calls, text messages, and a few visitors to help with the transition. 

The hardest thing is looking in the mirror and seeing the scar. I would post photos and may before it is all done but they are harsh. I get what I call zingers. Shooting pains. almost feels like something is tearing or ripping. My left nipple is on fire at times but they feel much better when I just hold my breast in my hand for support. I feel puffy from the water retention. Walking helps with that but I get tired so fast. I feel like a slug. I have drains that need to be strained so that blood clots do not form. It has blood, lymph fluid and fat in it. It is gross. Doesn't smell that I can tell witch I think is a good thing. but it is disgusting looking. Looks like worms. I have no feeling under my right arm where they took the lymph nodes from. Lifting my arms above my head is almost impossible without tears. Washing my hair... Well lets just say I have done it now that I can shower but it is painful. I make slow purposeful motions and not fast. I find myself going up on my toes to get things from shelves that normally are easy to find. And I defiantly think before I do things. Like how bad is that going to hurt? But I am moving. I am upright and I see progression everyday. So I will survive this. It is just a bump in the road.